Om your marks, get set, O. Tantra itself is an ancient spiritual practice with roots in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jain traditions that’s thousands of years old. Today, “tantra as we know it is a heart-centered, embodied spiritual practice that embraces every aspect of life and says, ‘This could be a path or vehicle to enlightenment,’” explains Barbara Carrellas ACS, AASECT, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century. Walking the dog, doing your homework, and navigating traffic can all be done tantrically. And yes, so can masturbating. This can and should be tailored to your personal needs and wants in the moment. Are you experiencing sexual shame? Your intention for the practice might be to become more comfortable with your sensual self. Are you feeling meh about your belly or thighs? Your intention might be to show those areas love. Are you feeling stressed? Your intention might be to release stress and invite relief. If no intention comes to mind, Piper recommends asking yourself the following questions and letting the answers guide you: Then, create a sex nest. “Sexual energy only moves when you’re comfortable,” says Carrellas. So arrange a sea of pillows and throw blankets, either on your bed or not, so that you are at peak comfort during your session. And feel free to put on some mood music. Don’t worry; Carrellas promises, “There doesn’t need to be Sanskrit chanting or New Age tunes playing in the background, just something that feels sensual, romantic, or meditative to you.” Not just any ol’ breathing will have this power. “It should be a kind of conscious breathing that’s more full and deep than usual,” she says. Box breathing: If having a more specific breathing pattern is helpful for you, Candice Smith, M.Ed., chief intimacy officer with Tango, recommends starting with box breathing, which entails following a pattern of fours. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four. “Continue this for at least four rounds, as long as you feel like counting,” she says. “It will help quiet your mind, make you more present, and keep your mind from wandering to other things.” If you’re new to breathwork, counting your breaths may feel distracting. If that happens, Smith recommends moving into long, even breaths. “As you breathe, think about the sensation of the breath: how it feels entering your lungs, the sensation of the air entering and leaving your nostrils,” she says. Piper explains: “Beyond the yoni (vagina) and the lingam (penis), we have other places on our body that can help us experience ecstasy,” she says. “In tantra, these are called our secondary erogenous zones, and they’re the places on our body that fold like our elbows, hands, wrists, knees, inner groin, and ankles.” Use your fingers and hands along each of these to stroke, lightly tug, tickle, tease, and massage yourself. Experiment with the pressure, intensity, and quality of the stroke, staying with the spots and techniques that feel good. “This is how someone can learn to have a full-body orgasm,” according to Piper. “Stoke yourself slowly and softly. Touch yourself as if you’re in no rush at all,” says Piper. “Experiment with new types of strokes and ways of touching,” she says. If you have a vulva, you might try: If you’re not sure what any of that means, don’t stress. Just make whatever noises come naturally, and don’t be afraid to be loud! Instead of going right for your clit or penis with the pleasure aid, Carrellas says to “start by running the toy up and down your abdomen while you breathe, use the toy to bring you closer to your body and intention.” (Not specifically to bring you closer to orgasm.) Piper recommends vulva owners use G-spot wands. “There is a chakra located inside the G-spot, so massage that spot and you have the ability to touch inside that chakra. It’s pretty amazing.” If you have mobility or grip issues, wand vibrators (like Le Wand) and nonvibrating wand toys (like the nJoy Eleven) are a great way to more easily and comfortably reach all your erogenous zones. You may feel like the orgasm is getting away from you, she says. But don’t worry about it. “It’s there. Keep breathing. It will make the energy you have to orgasm that much more intense if/when you finally let go.” Another option: sit in front of a mirror in crisscross applesauce position and try the solo iteration of yab yum, which is known as the tantric sex position. “Place your palms on your knees, gaze into your own eyes in the mirror, and breathe,” explains Carrellas. “Learning the pleasure potential of your nongenital zones is one of the ways people can become multi-orgasmic and have full-body orgasms,” says Piper. Plus, as Carrellas says, “Most of us interrupt or dampen our orgasms by holding our breath or tensing up during it.” So learning to breathe, as one does through tantra, can lead to a less damp finale. As you explore your body and say loving things to yourself, even if you don’t believe the things you’re saying, over time that voice starts to become louder, and the voice of self-doubt begins to quiet. “When I started tantra, I hated my belly, but after telling myself ‘I love my belly’ while touching myself tantrically, it became true,” she says. Using tantric principles in your solo sex sessions might sound intimidating, but as Carrellas says, “Just try it. The benefits, the pleasure, the body-awareness of touching yourself tantrically are all worth overcoming that hurdle of your first time.” Your mind, body, heart, and soul will thank you.
