To answer your question, I am going to “tell on myself” a little bit. I started studying tantra while I was married. Because this is an issue I personally have experience with, I will share my personal journey with you. When I started studying tantra, I was so excited about what I was learning and discovering that I extended the invitation to my partner. He, however, wasn’t interested. That was his choice—in the same way that studying tantra was mine. But coming from a background of sexual trauma, I knew that sexual healing was crucial for my own path to happiness. It was something I felt I had to pursue, though my partner made a conscious decision to refrain from embarking on that journey with me. Here’s how I dealt with it. There’s a reason you’re compelled to seek out tantra. You owe it to yourself to find the answers you seek—to ask the questions you have. I think a lot of people still have the misconception that tantra is simply about having sex. It’s about so much more. Tantra helps you to understand your own sexual nature and how that energy drives you in all aspects of your life, from your career to your health to your finances and beyond. As Freud said, “The behavior of a human being in sexual matters is often a prototype for the whole of his other modes of reaction in life.” That’s the risk you take with any path of personal growth—whether it’s becoming financially independent or committing to living a healthier lifestyle. Growth means change. But this isn’t always how things pan out. Your partner may come to a realization as they see you move ahead on your journey that they want to grow with you. That’s a wonderful thing. But the chances of that not happening and you reaching a fork in the road where you have to choose your spiritual growth or your relationship are very real. Every person has to make their own decision. So, like a lot of couples, instead of talking about sex, she simply had sex. But our partners aren’t mind readers. How can they know we’re not happy or satisfied if we’re unable to engage and discuss? That’s how people end up lying to themselves and their partner. Whether or not you want to seek professional help is really a personal choice—but it’s a choice about personal growth. It’s not a choice about sex. You have to be responsible for your actions, and you also have to be honest with your partner about your boundaries. Here are a few steps that will slowly warm you (and hopefully your partner) up to the idea of exploring tantra to its fullest extent: Simply watching these videos is very different from going and practicing tantra with another person. I bring this up because, as I mentioned earlier, these videos can introduce concepts that might threaten your relationship. Should you reach the point where you start to want to try tantric techniques with other people, know that you’re dealing with an issue of authenticity, not morality. People confuse the two. So many people are unhappy and unfulfilled in their relationships, they end up cheating. But they completely skip the step where they let their partner know how they feel. That’s why they turn to cheating, which ends up being a morality issue for them. They think, “I’m so bad, I cheated.” They end up hating themselves, keeping secrets, and feeling shame, which often leads to more cheating and dysfunctional behavior. If they’re unable to do that or if you find that you’re not compatible, you can be honest and tell them that you’re going to need to explore with other partners. You can own your sexuality. You can own your desires and give voice to them. After doing that, maybe your relationship will become an open one. Or maybe you’ll decide to end the relationship completely. If you’re seeking self-awakening through tantra, regardless of your relationship status, authenticity is key. By being authentic, you allow for a happier life for yourself—inside the bedroom and in every other area of your life. And that’s what tantra is about. Isadora passed away on March 26, 2017. During her life, Psalm made a name for herself as a bold, outspoken sex, relationships, and trauma expert who lived to inspire the next generation of women. She demystified the ancient secrets of Tantra to make them accessible to the modern masses. Raised in a religious cult as a child, Isadora endured years of sexual trauma that eventually ignited her passion to teach sexual empowerment and modern sex ed. In 2007, Isadora traveled to India to immerse herself in the ancient teachings of Tantra to facilitate deep healing and discover her own path as a healer. For eight years, Isadora traveled to India to delve deeper into the path of Tantra and teach yoga to sex-trafficked women in the red light district of Calcutta, work that would eventually become part of a documentary titled Shakti. She studied the Śrī Vidyā tradition of Tantra under spiritual guru Sri Amritananda (Guruji) in Pradesh, India, and was initiated into Shakti Tantra Yoga. We will miss you, Psalm. You will certainly never be forgotten.
